so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
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There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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