Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
