I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
