You're so nebulous sometimes
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
