Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
