The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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