I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
