I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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