He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he fucked my hip out of place.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
