these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
