So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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