Have you finally orgasmed yet?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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