Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
