literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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