Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize