Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
handjob tips. give me some.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
