So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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