Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
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