At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
