I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize