this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
