only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
