You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
