The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
