do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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