dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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