and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
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and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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