I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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