Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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