I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
