I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
