you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
