As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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