I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
