Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
