how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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