I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
did i walk over a car last night?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
