She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
