Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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