how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
