I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
