So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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