My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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