you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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