Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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