According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I want a musical about memes.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
