Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
