Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
