guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need water and some morals
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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