Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
