Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
