Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
