I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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