First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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