Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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