Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
