My first STD was from a foam party
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize