But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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