happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize