I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
