I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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