hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
