I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
