don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
