Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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