I want to have your abortion
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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