Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
