hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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