I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
