I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
