i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
