Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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