I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
