When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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