This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
