im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
