I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
